Missed connection:
You like it hot. I sweat when the heat is on.
Missed connection:
You like it hot. I sweat when the heat is on.
HER: I gave you the best years of my life.
ME: Those were your BEST years? Yeesh.
Looks like this account will go back to nothing but recipes and makeovers.
You really only know how drunk you are when you're peeing
If anyone sees a pigeon with a backpack full of ecstasy, it’s mine.
If anyone sees a pigeon with a backpack full of ecstasy, it's mine.
Yes, I liked your tweet. Let's not start looking at fabric swatches just yet.
Just replied to a text invitation to dinner from eight months ago with "possibly."
It's a shame for all of us when hot people have to wear masks.
Misuse of the speakerphone is a relationship killer.
HER TEXT: Stop being so obtuse
MY TEXT: 📐
Relationships are easy if you never let anything slide and argue over meaningless things.