"Putin told me he didn't meddle"
"Kim Jong-un told me he would destroy his nukes"
"Bone Saw Arabia told me they didn't kill Khashoggi"
"Erdogan told me he didn't mean to fire on our troops"
how much you want to bet the next thing we hear is "Xi told me he didn't hack Equifax" ...read more
I'm opening a generic bedding store that only plays U2 music called “Where The Sheets Have No Name.”
Please do not silently judge me. Scream your judgments at me so I can enjoy them.
All I'm saying is that it probably wasn't the best idea to give an erratic and deteriorating perpetual motion crime factory with delusions of grandeur, untreated tertiary syphilis and no impulse control permission to continue to crime forever without fear of consequences
so like... WTF are the other 364 days called?
#NationalPizzaDay
...read more
The dick pic blackmailing CEO of Enquirer is named "Pecker" and some of y'all still don't believe we live in a simulation.
I knew you before
the spillage of time
in dark halls of space
and I'll know you
long after
black holes are unspun
on infinite planes
in the absence
of place ...read more
Oneday I came home from work, I pulled into the driveway. There was a squirrel cracking nuts and feeding them to a starling.
As if he was trained. He just did it until the other starlings attacked him. He needed protection so somehow befriended my cat. The squirrel would come to the door and Diego would meow until I let him out. In the winter, the door is closed so Diego went to one of the bedrooms and meowed out the window until the squirrel showed up. Then he would jump out and they would go on their adventures.
The squirrel would start coming daily and even come in until Diego appeared and they would scamper off. ...read more
Psychic Episode #258 Last night I was thinking about the weirdest duets (don't ask) and Metallica/Ja Rule came to mind right away out of nowhere and I thought - 'meh' - it could be stranger... ie Metallica and Lady Ga Ga... clears throat Metgaggica? http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/grammys/7... ...read more
If you try and say you've never looked at your bank account and thought about the benefits of prostitution and drug dealing, you're lying.
The equation
stg + lw= MTGA
is true where
stg = small town girl
lw = lonely world
MTGA= midnight train going anywhere
It's science ...read more
"I like people who aren't afraid to be a little edgy and say the unpopular thing. Them people that can dare to be different and colour outside of the lines. The ones that make you shake your head squint your eyes. You know them guys that take things too far even if they don't really want to other than to make you shake your head. I like them Jay Pretli types."
...read more