People are genetically programmed to know the exact worse time to tell you that you look tired.

My Amazon Wishlist is mostly raindrops, roses, whiskers, kettles, mittens, and packages. Just a few things.

[hears thunder even though it's not raining]

And now Stevie Nicks lied to me too. It never ends...

The countries run by buffoons really aren't doing well, huh?

I love taking things for granted until it's too late.

An ugly baby just ruined my day.

No redemption or forgiveness for anyone connected to this White House.

STATEMENT: No pressure.

TRANSLATION: Everything is riding on this.

Elevator pitch:

“Tiger King” meets “Squid Game”

Shoutout to people who live in creepy houses and don't have to decorate for Halloween.

I'm worried the next generation of rock stars is on TikTok and not practicing in someone's dirty garage.

So many of you just need to learn how to sit back and enjoy things.