Now celebrating 3 minutes of not being annoyed!

New superhero idea: Man Bat

When he was young he saved his parents from a robbery. They're still alive. He pretty much keeps to himself.

The thing about being self-employed is that you can't quit.

Remember three weeks ago when there wasn't a debate over whether being pro-slavery was ok?

Two weeks ago, I didn't even know there were statues.

< draws attention to your mistake >

Sarcasm failed me miserably here.

The song “Mr. Telephone Man” must confuse the fuck out of these kids.

Suuure I'll read your chilling tale of a ghost child in your house. Just as soon as they repeal Obamacare.

Top stories today:

1. We've hit an irreversible point with respect to climate change

2. People are not getting vaccinated because of a misunderstanding of the movie “I Am Legend”

Not too shabby for a Monday ...read more