Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Absolut power makes you think you can dance.

Rage combines all the fun of anger with half the calories of hate.

Now that John Stamos is out of the way, it's on.

If the hotel room I'm staying in doesn't have any toiletries that smell like lavender, I trash the place.

Halloween costume idea:

Sexy Fifteen Days Until The Election

[after everyone dead from shootings]

Fine, I guess now we can talk about gun control.

"Is this seat taken?"

<points to the chair they're sitting in>

The conservative platforms are about hurting people or taking things away from people. I guess The Bible has some extra volumes I missed.

Like you've never had sex while watching “The Shining”

Inanimate objects knows things about you. Disturbing things.

Remember before emojis when you had to write out “LOL” like some worthless piece of shit?

It's not the consequences.

It's the schmonsequences.