to the guys behind me- you suck. allen does not

I miss going places and having people in the background as extras.

are u gonna call me beautiful today or do i gotta go to the gas station?

This week:
🇬🇧 UK starts mass vaccination
🇷🇺 Russia starts mass vaccination
🇮🇳 India reviews vaccine applications
🇺🇸 US may approve Pfizer vaccine

If you see Eddie Murphy, please tell him I loved “Dolemite.”

Everything that's rated at all is overrated

I leave two-star Yelp reviews raving about the restaurant and saying I can't wait to go back.

“🎶 Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens;”
{The raindrops are artistic. Cats are cute.“🎶 Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens;”
{The raindrops are artistic. Cats are cute. Continue.}

“🎶Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens;”
{Um… I guess so…}

“🎶Brown paper packages tied up with strings;”
{That's serial killer talk. Please leave.} ...read more

My favorite color is powerless smartphone screen.

Things you can do with the rains down in Africa:

1. Free car wash
2. Clean up sidewalk chalk
3. Bless them

Um… aren't ALL Jennys from the block?

The “we must hold them to their word” people crack me up.