Stop pressuring people to do or say things, or to not do or say things.

Don't get a song stuck in your OFF TO NEVER NEVER LAND

All-female spacewalk??? What's next? All-female please save our country I'm begging you?

Taking my kids' allowance money back with Texas Hold ‘Em tournaments and football bets is the only way they're going to learn.

Every time I saw a rock star smash a guitar onstage, I thought "You could have given that guitar to some kid."

Some solace in the fact that I'll never shake another person's hand ever again.

You are beautiful, no matter what they say.

And, wow, are they saying a lot. Yeesh.

My soulmate told me to fuck off, which only proves it.

Missed the “Blossom” finale. Hope it all worked out.

I don't know if I want to live in a world without skip intro.

Devin Nunes is the “own goal” of people.

Call me any time my phone is off.