JOKES ON YOU RECAPTCHA, I AM A ROBOT AND I'VE NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE!

I have a voodoo doll of my voodoo doll to keep it honest.

I miss the days before everything “BREAKING”

The guy who drives the ice cream truck made a powerful enemy today...

Human interest stories are a perfect combination of things I have no interest in, as a human.

I start every conversation with “as your better...”

No pressure, but be perfect.

Don't tell me you love something and not be able name three songs off of its first album.

OXFORD COMMA FOREVER

Marketing is everything. They're selling tiny jackhammers for “deep tissue massage.”