THEM: See if you can guess who I voted for in the last election.

ME: Easy. Tell me how you use "your" and "you're."

“What are you gonna do? Cry?”

- bully in an 80s movie

That's enough twerking for one day.

English league soccer (football) is like, “Today, Northwestshrimpton meets a game Toddingtonshire on the pitch.”

People are who they really are when you take away all of their excuses.

REMEMBER WHEN OBAMA DIDN'T WEAR A FLAG PIN GLAD THOSE TERRIFYING DAYS ARE BEHIND US

Don't you dare count 2020 toward your age.

LOL at parents who want their kids' safety to come first when returning to school

Any time someone apologizes, scream “I win!”

@ddoartists 😁🧸🌏❤️‍🔥☺️💌💐
vsco

Spent a few hours contacting my exes to make sure they knew I never think about them.

I've always prided myself on knowing less about people than they want me to.