Cuomo: "I accept full responsibility"
Trump: "It's Obama's fault"
find me on...
Where can I find one of those families that say, "Here, take this 2 million and stay away from our daughter." ?
When I meet new people, I just hand them a printout of all of my tweets. That should answer any questions.
INTERVIEWER: When can you start?
ME: [handing them a stack of reports] I just did.
No more “I'll see myself out” jokes I suppose.
Imagine the quarantine went into effect just after someone got your nose.
THEM: C'mon, you're better than that.
ME: History will show that I am not.
I had outstanding pizza last night, so your jealousy is again warranted.
If I die from this, I can't even think of 6 people to carry my casket.
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