A medical specialist once told me after looking at my test results that all indicators suggest I should be wheelchair bound. Another told me that I may have to accept I won’t be able to do the activities I love doing due to my chronic illnesses. There have been many times I have needed to be in a wheelchair. Only last month I could not make walking in the airport w/o coming close to collapsing/passing out. The individual who pushed me to my next gate told me to never give up on my dreams. When I waited for a wheelchair when arriving in another city the captain & crew sat with me. We chatted for a good 30mins about each others lives. Both the good & bad. All of us expressing how we always continue to move forward despite our struggles. There are times I can barely stand. Those times I either receive help from family & friends or when alone I crawl. Crawling does not make me feel weak. It reminds me of my resilience. In the bathroom of every place I live I keep a pillow & blanket easy to reach. There are times I sleep on the bathroom floor to be near a toilet. Either due to intense nausea or preventing urinating on myself. These diseases do make it harder for me to live the life I want. The life having the ability to pursue my passions fully, to have a full time job & be financially independent, to be able to have more of a normal non chronically sick life that most people take for granted: Traveling w/o mentally/physically preparing for medical emergencies or not telling those around me if I lay down on the ground & put my legs in the air not to worry; I’m only trying to prevent myself from passing out. Or being able to have a bowel movement without screaming in pain or needing an enema. Or to eat regularly without getting sick. Or needing a procedure every 6-12 months to insure my bladder doesn’t look like a bloody piece of meatloaf again. But then I hold, love, & appreciate immensely everything I do have. I can still hike, dance, create, storytell, express, LIVE+LOVE & experience incredible moments that not everyone gets the opportunity to have. I have family, friends, & community who love & support me. And I have not lost my ability to HOPE, DREAM, & FIGHT ❤️
@taymunholland ...read more