Hugging myself until the pain passes. ⁣
⁣
Chronic pain. I’m often asked what it feels like. How to place into words? Are there even words to describe it? I’ll do my best to share what chronic pain feels like to me, in the hopes it brings a better understanding & awareness to these terrible chronic & often invisible conditions.
⁣
My bones feel as if they are trying to expand and shrink at the same time. Crushing into each other, relentlessly but never breaking. My joints crack, like breaking glass. ⁣
⁣
My blood feels as if it’s been filled with led. Heavy. Desperately trying to move, to replenish the body but stuck in its attempts. My veins bulge through the service and pulse.
⁣
My muscles scream, as if fighting to finish the world’s hardest triathlon while instead I’m only lied curled up in the fetal position. Unable to move.
⁣
My nerves shoot false responses in every direction. They inflict pain to the body without meaning to. Striking. Severe. Electricity, lightening raging through me. My body shakes, tremors & seizes.
⁣
My skin, highly sensitive. Touch. Anything that touches me feels like sharp razor blades, slicing me open. Or as if I am an ant being inflicted with torture by a human with a magnify glass. Inescapable burning. Even the softest, gentlest caress makes me want to cry out. ⁣
⁣
I try not to lose control outwardly, for in these instances raw emotions only causes more pain. Instead I silently scream, within the prison of my mind and the sanctuary of my soul. Until I’ve reached my peak of exhaustion. ⁣
⁣
Curling into my body. ⁣Hugging myself. ⁣Waiting for the pain to pass. ⁣Questioning if this will be the time it breaks me. Takes me. All loss of Self. Of the person I once knew & was.
⁣
That is a glimpse, only a glimpse of what chronic pain is & how it feels. ⁣
⁣
To my fellow warriors, always sending my love and support. Keep fighting. The good days are worth it, I promise. Never give up on yourself and know you are not alone in this war. For those who don’t suffer chronic pain, please have empathy & compassion for those who do. Together we can raise awareness, be advocates for ourselves & others, in the fight for research and cures.
@taymunholland @rrawimpact
@taymunholland ...read more