Healing, that’s my hustle ๐ฅโจ๐ค
One of the questions I am asked most often is how I keep going & keep a positive attitude when suffering from chronic diseases & pain, especially during horrific flares. First off let me be raw & tell you that I don’t always want to keep going nor do I always keep a positive attitude. With severe flares, like the one I had recently, I can go into a very dark place of hopelessness, anger, anxiety & depression. My PTSD from the traumas from my health journey are also triggered when suffering from a flare.
There are times when I am in such deep pain & sickness that I will shutdown completely & go radio silent. Times I’m beyond angry & frustrated with life that I lash out. Times my head will not stop going down a hopelessness mental cycle that leaves me feeling crippled, mind-body-soul. Times when all of the above are experienced. I would say that my emotions & how I respond are more of a rollercoaster ride since my PTSD became so bad. It’s getting better with time & all the work that is being placed into healing the trauma but there are still times where it comes down very hard.
What I have gathered with time, that for myself personally, I hit a breaking point before a turnaround of my mindset. By breaking point I mean ugly crying hysterically, snot running down like a waterfall from my nose, pounding the ground or slapping water in the bathtub/shower, dropping curse words, screaming with my fist is in my mouth until I’ve tuckered myself out & go into a deep sleep. Though it sucks, often after I break I rise. I mentally have a turnaround where it’s “Game on & I’m going to fucking win”. Truly the hustle for healing, for remission comes into play.
I begin a rundown of what changes I need to make in my life that will better my health. What healthy habits I need to begin implementing & what bad habits I need to dump. Focusing on my dreams & my fight for them to come true. Reminding myself of having the greatest gift of so many who are advocating for me on this journey. My support system helps me beyond words. I thank everyone who has helped me continue to fight & hustle for my dreams despite having chronic pain/diseases.
@taymunholland @rrawimpact
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